Benchmarks in Cairo, or, How NOT to Travel

Continents: 5/7

A notch in my belt for Africa, as well as my first Arabic country (if you don't count the layover in Kuwait city).

I gave a masterclass on how to make a perfect horse's butt out of oneself on my arrival. Not having known that India doesn't like people to take their currency from the country, I debarked onto the tarmac without a single Egyptian pound, but a maharaj's ransom in rupees. The bank wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole, and neither ATMs before immigration would give me a dime. To the rescue came a Dubai-ite who unhesitatingly forked over the $15 I needed for my tourist visa, and almost ran off before I could pay her back. The peak of my stupidity was not yet reached, though. I found a working ATM and withdrew a few hundred Egyptian pounds, then hit the exchange counter to ask what fifteen US dollars equaled in pounds so I'd know what to give her. Paying no attention to the rate and making no attempt to do the math myself, I accepted foolishly the clerk's response: "fifteen" USD = 287 EGP. The Dubaite was halfway to Luxor before I realized that the clerks misheard my fifteen for fifty, but you couldn't ask for a better person to accidentally repay a loan 300% the original balance. I eventually found an English couple on their way to Delhi, with whom I exchanged my rupees for pounds, taking a 13 dollar loss. I also left my bag behind in a museum cafe for 30 minutes and on a bus station counter for 5.

On the packed bus from the airport to Cairo, I suffered the rolling eyes of the other passengers as I clumsily navigated the aisle with my huge rucksack and apologetic, self-effacing grin. On the streets of the city, I've suffered a barrage of insults from overbearing, limpet-like tour company touts for refusing their service. The transaction usually goes something like:

TOUT: Hey, where you from?/Hey, you look like Egyptian!/Hey, you got the time?
ME: USA/Ha./Two-thirty
TOUT: (having broken the ice, he now follows like a dilligent puppy making small talk) I been to USA many times. My brother/professor/girlfriend lives in LA/Boston/New York. Where you staying? No, that place very dirty, don't stay there. You need tour? Taxi? Shopping? Bar?
ME: (at this point, I refuse to return any conversation, and attempt to wave them away with a palm-outward "no thanks" and a head lowering)

And this continues for anywhere from 20 seconds to 20 minutes, ending in a venomous epithet that could be as tame as "piss off!", or something considerably more colorful, or something muttered in Arabic.

Egypt's wonders, the pyramids, are more than enough to make the follies worthwhile, though. The feeling of my skin crawling from the descent into a 3 foot by 3 foot shaft for minutes on end to reach the inner chambers of Khufu's memorial monument is something I don't think I'll ever forget. Tut's swag, on display at the Cairo Museum, wasn't bad either. And the lamb at Felfela Restaurant, rippling with shiny seams of fat on a bed of fluffy rice and tomato, was enough to ensure my return tonight, upon completion of this post.

Also tonight, my overnight bus to Aqaba, Jordan, and my faithful, if fleeting, return to the continent of Asia. Miss me?